my first love

A tribute to my first love...As I was driving across Canada, I found that I had a great deal of time to think and to reflect upon my life... one such area is the area of my love life - or lack thereof... smiles... I was thinking how sad it was that I have lived through what I have, and never been in love. But that is not true - I have been in love... how could I have so easily forgotten the butterflies in my tummy... the thrill of his embrace... the wonderment of just being around him... there has never been anyone that loved me like he did, so unconditionally. HE challenged me to be all that I could be... he walked beside me and held my hand through some of the hardest times of my life... he definitely was my night in shining armour... my prince on a white horse... remind me again why I left him?! Funny how only when something is gone do we recognize its true value... I had exactly what I am now searching for - I gave it all up for freedom's sake.... only to now realize that I was freer with him... his love gave me wings... it made me alive - what I failed to see was that as much as I adored him, he adored me all the more... he gave me the world and yet I was blind to it... he was everything - this is what I now realize... the greatest dance partner I have ever had - was him... the greatest lover of all time - was him... he knew what true love was and at that time in my life I clearly did not... I knew in my heart that he was a keeper for all times... but I didn't understand it - I didn't understand the depth of his love for me, or for that matter - my love for him... Ever since I walked away from what I had with him - I have never been able to attain that level of intimacy - and I have tried... Nothing came close to it, no matter what I did... it always felt as though I was cheating him, like I was having some sort of affair but that was not possible - that was silly - we were over...Funniest part though... he never stopped pursuing me - he still calls, he still tells me I am beautiful, he still tells me how he loves me and wants me back - he doesn't care what I did... he just wants me back... he says that I am destined for him - this is a kind of love that I cannot comprehend - it is so... words cannot even express it! It is indescribable, unfathomable, and humbling... after all I did to intentionally hurt him... when he did nothing to me but love me as I am... And so... that was my first love... my only love... I have always unconciously compared every other to him... he has been my standard all along - and all have fallen short of him... I have never been able to allow someone as close as he was... he was everything to me - he was my world... now I see what I left... oh how I loved him... his mannerisms, his smile, his heart...I think I am still in love... smiles...