the last few and the next few...

coming from the lips of an angel... that song is playing right now - I like the raspy sound of nickelback....

anyyyhooo.. the last few posts have not at all been indicative of what in the world has been going on in my minute to minute, second by second day...giggles... well ok some of the are... it just seems like I haven't posted in forever! Biggest news... I have completed all courses in the BScN program!! no more school, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks... ok well not completely true - I have to finish out my clinical hours (consolidation) But I get to do that out in the glorious Skeena Mountains!

My movers actually came on Friday... they have almost allllll of my stuff - I kept a duffle bag of clothes, my laptop, and one more duffle bag (for all the stuff I anticipate that I did not pack!) giggles... only 3 more days before I board the Greyhound bound for BC.... I can't wait to see my Honey Bunch, my Sugar Buns, my Dauly and yes even my Mama... and of course my Rock family... its funny how only a few months can build such a bond - I know I am not super close to many of you... but it feels so much like family... which is really an incredible feeling...thanks guys

Tomorrow - a busy day... a bittersweet day... it will be my last day with my boys... it makes me want to cry... I've seen them grow and loved them so much over the past few years... to hear them say - "I don't want you to go away like before" (they are referring to my trip over the summer) - breaks my heart... because they are too small to understand that this time is different... I won't be back :( tears...
ok enough of that for now - once I finish there... I am headed to the Drews... dinner with my sis' and their dad and Cara... last time I see them too in a long time! gosh - so many last times... had made me kinda sad the last few days... I have to keep reminding myself - that for 'such a time as this' I am going to where I need to be... its all gonna be ok...

Tuesday - pretty wide open at this point.... aside from dinner between 5-7 where Jilly n BJ and I are celebrating our Christmas together! (BJ gets home from work at 5 and Jilly leaves for work this week at 7 - so we will take what we can get!)

Then Wednesday.... how can one be sooo conflicted in emotions?! I am super excited because I get to have one of our special C n Chan breaky's... we are going to celebrate her birthday before she drops me off at the bus depot... which leads me to more mixed emotions... on my way to see my fam - but days and days on the bus...

Just great... now my sweet love is talking to me... asking are you getting sad?... I said that I was but trying to chalk it up to being sick... told her Jilly said to me "goodluck with that - anyone who knows you, knows differently..." Then my sweet love tells me... "its ok to be sad" - now the tears are a flowin...

I am gonna miss this place, these people, this life... guess its all about learning to hold things loosely... I mean I know that even signing the contract with Northern Health does not lock me into anything... and the contract isn't even signed yet... and can easily be broken... It all just feels so final....gosh - haven't cried like this in a while... ok breathe... Its alll gonna be ok... I have Papa to go with me wherever I end up - even if it is the end of the world (Terrace) and even if I have to leave behind friends - friends who for the first time in my life I KNOW love me.. just as I am... who have never once expected me to be anything other than myself - never expected perfection but always pushed me to reach my best... I love them... and as life leads me to another place for the time being... I will embrace the journey and the people that he places in my path... with arms wide open...