typical December 31st... ATYPICAL NEW YEAR!!

In official New Year’s Eve fashion I am sitting here with a heart full of dreams and goals and resolutions for the New Year ahead… things that I want to accomplish, things I want to try, and things that I want to improve upon… I also sit with my Bible beside me: why you ask? Simply because I have learned that to embark upon a new journey alone would only lead to disaster – I need the guidance of my creator – he is the plumb line of my dreams and aspirations, he begins by instilling the dreams and passions within my heart and then he is the strength within me to carry them to fruition….

I read a quote yesterday that I am going to use again today: Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves. – Robert Frost…… It takes a life of complete surrender to live a life of true success. We cannot withhold who we are neither from our creator nor from those around us, let alone from ourselves. We were created for a passionate engagement and love affair with our Heavenly bridegroom and with all that he has placed in our lives. I look back at my year 2009 and see the times of purest joy and truest life were those times that I allowed the me that God created to shine beyond the fears that so often hold me back.

2009 was a great year, one that I will always cherish in a special way as it marked the joining of my life with the man my Papa gave to me… Matt and I were married in August at the riverside… This year – 2010 – it is time to jump into the river… the river of God… to quote a great artist: “sink or swim, I’m diving in!”

Ps 36:8 “They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.”

**Ps 46:4-11 “There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn. The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted. The Lord of hosts IS with us; The God of Jacob IS our refuge. Come behold the worlds of the Lord, Who has made desolations in the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariot in the fire. Be still, and know that I AM God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts IS with us; The God of Jacob IS our refuge.

Rev 22:1-5 “**And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. And there shall be no more curse, but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it, and His servants shall serve Him. They shall see His face, and His name shall be on their foreheads. There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever.”

I am excited to see what God has in store for myself and for my marriage and family this year. There are certainly a few ‘high priority’ things on my ‘to do list’ for 2010 – some of them being adapting a healthy lifestyle of nutrition and exercise (starting with completing a 90 day program with my sister!), saving some money for some upcoming trips to visit our family in Creston, learning how to care for my rose, organizing my house, completing some more courses for my nursing specialty, and of course spending more time with friends, growing with them toward the heart of God… And for my marriage, it is my goal this year to find ways that make my husband feel respected and appreciated and adored… ways to help him to succeed in his life and his calling as a man and a husband. I would love to really become a runner this year… so, one step at a time, one day at a time lived moment by moment with a glimpse of the prize leading me on… I will bring my body into submission lest by any means after I have preached, I myself might be disqualified (1 Cor 9:27)

Who is standing in your way?

Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves.- Robert Frost

Imagine someone regularly tying small weights around your ankles as you try to climb a mountain. Doesn't sound fair, does it? But that's exactly what you can do to yourself, a little bit at a time, if you don't watch out. When you think of who and what is standing in the way of your dreams, it's easy to forget your own responsibility. Even the best of us can be guilty of unknowingly hurting our own progress. Procrastination, lateness, being disorganized, pessimism, not being honest with yourself, severe self-criticism, downplaying achievements, focusing only on weaknesses while ignoring strengths, keeping goals a secret, demanding perfection, giving up after a small setback--these are all ways you can make it tough to be (and do) your best. Smart systems, the right attitude, and a promise to keep going no matter what will make a world of difference.

This was in an email that I received today... very timely words for me... thought I'd share them with you...

can't keep...

...my eyes open much longer!!! I picked up some overtime and it is about 6am... one hour left to go - SO tired right now!!! For a change it has been pretty busy... but right now... oi I just wanna snuggle up in bed and sleep ALLLLL day long.... cuz I have to work an extra shift tonight too!

(listen to me whine!)

What a wonderful Christmas...

It turned out to be a great year after all! :) The morning of the 24th we rolled ourselves out of bed and got ready for our Skype date with Matt's family in Creston - watched the kids open their gifts... it was so incredible to share those moments with them! Kids sure do make Christmas great! After we watched them open all their gifts we were able to open ours... Aaron, Heather, Matt and I... we all got spoiled!
What did I get you ask?! Well.... not that I am excited or anything... but I got an...EXPRESSO MACHINE!! So I spent a good part of the rest of the day making eggnog lattes, mochas, london fogs, peppermint mochas... it was just great!! I kept thinking of people I could just invite over so I could make a coffee for them! ha ha ha... I never did end up calling anyone, I was just too busy getting ready for our big dinner... which turned out wonderfully! We all had a great time...
On the 25th I got up nice and early (about 6am) and got my behind off to work - it was a great day full of birthday wishes and birthday cake! Work was not very busy at all - I had only one little bitty baby... (their family was waiting to celebrate til the babe got to go home, which I might add was today)...

the 26th - BOXING DAY! started out to be a bit of a disaster... Matt was a little grumpy that he got out of bed to go to Walmart so early only to find out they didn't have what they had advertised... oh dear... and me - it was just sooooo early - it was really fun to see everyone there though! Anyhoo - the rest of the day went wonderfully! Matt and I came home for a bit then he went to check out Staples, came home with breakfast and we snuggled on the cough while watching one of our BoxingDay finds... then we went for a walk so that I could pick up my new "gym" and some veggies for Turkey Soup... it was a little colder than anticipated... but it was just so nice to be spending that day with my husband... smiles - after we got back I had to nap... to get ready for work that night... but really - it was just one of those nice "spending time together days"...
Hope you guys all had some great Christmas Days! Only 363 more days to go before we get to do it all again!!!

what to say?

every feel like you run out of things to say??? smiles... I am working nights tonight... and tucked all my patients(all three of them) in... just a few meds to bring to them at 2200... wonder how the night will go?

I have a book that I am reading... and have been waiting to read for like EVER... I am reading Maggie... by my favourite author Charles Martin... ooo speaking of which I just got his new book of poems... "My Bible Crushed in the Winepress" I've only read one and its amazing... Ruthie - we should read a few together (Sat maybe!)... speaking of Saturday - I can't wait to finish up my stocking stuff with Ruthie! :) I love hanging out with her - she's a great friend... speaking of great friends - I was out with one of them today - we went up to Shames for some beautiful boarding! :) It was a nice morning... but my boots kept bugging me... oh well by the end I was tired... and freezing!! Had a hot bath when I got home, made some lunch then had a snooze... Matt made a great yummy dinner... then it was time for work! :) I like my job...

So.. for someone with nothing to say - that was quite a rambling!! :P

more courses

So tired today... didn't sleep well at all last night... for many reasons - but the bottom line remains - I didn't sleep well... and I am here at work now... after a busy morning awaiting the arrival of my post-op patient. I took the liberty of using this time to register for some more courses... starting in January... just when I thought that I was going to have a resemblance of a life... I go and take not just one more course - but two! The first one is an ECG and Dysrhythmia management course (my nemesis) and the second one is a Critical Care Theory course (which means essays galore)...

I do have to add... its a blessed thing that Northern Health is paying for these courses... just one of them is $986 with an extra $260 for all the materials required... WHAT???? SO when you hear/read about my complaining come Jan/Feb/Mar/Apr... remind me that I am blessed to have these courses being paid for... that I love my job... that I am not tired, I am growing... expanding my mind... learning how to better care for my patients... oh my, what have I gotten myself into...???

and they are on their way!!!

With only 10 more days until Christmas!!!!! I finally have the packages shipped!!! This great big box (full of over 30 gifts) is on its way to my sister Jenni and her beautiful children... and my brother Timmy too! The picture is a little sideways... but it is going to Creston, BC (where I am going in the spring!)... Getting everything into this box was quite a chore... first finding a box big enough was quite the dilemma... Heather and I drove around town for over an hour after church yesterday looking for one big enough... then after packing it all in... I realized that I had not packed Gabby's birthday present!!!! :( had to unpack all that tape to squish it in... don't know how I did it... but its in - and its off to Creston!!!!

This one is off to Montreal! I stood in line for almost an hour to get it out... fingers crossed that it arrives on time!!! Happy Merry Christmas Brook!!! Its really too bad that he won't be here with us this year... first time he's never been with us on Christmas... :( Hope the stuff inside brings a smile to his face!

Now... just to shop for the stocking stuffers.... (with Ruthie on Saturday!!!) and then I am D. o. N. E!!! ooooooo I can't wait!!

Island of Misfit Toys

There are many of you out there that don't know my whole family situation... but in the efforts of not exposing everyone's pains... I will share with you the simple fact that we will not all be together this Christmas... its been a hard few months andnow with the Christmas season here I am doing my best to make it a Merry one... Heather and I have done a whole bunch of things in the efforts of finding the joy of the holiday season...

First we planned a Christmas Costume party and made a whole bunch of invitations:

next we set out with one of Heather's friends from school to do some Christmas baking... the tin below is to be sent out to our brother Brook to add some Christmas cheer to him (he's not coming out to spend time with us this year... :(

then... we went and cut down our very real Christmas tree - it was a windy affair full of adventure and hot cider.... (this picture is a replica of sorts from last year's tree hunting adventure... smiles - last year was our first Christmas as a couple... this year is our first one married!)

then in efforts to keep the Christmas joy flowing freely - Heather and I set out to make our very own Christmas garland out of popcorn and cranberries (just like Lorelai and Rory)...tee hee

Our tree decorating was wonderful... aside from my knee crushing one of the lights... a little blood and a pretty butterfly band aid... some beautiful snowflakes and lots of lights... a great time was had... and it lasted over 3 days! (I had to work quite a bit)

and most recently... :) was our Christmas Costume Party!!! There was so many different costumes! It was really great - there was cookie decorating, candy guesses, name games... and Jack Frost won the Best Costume! I was so proud of that man of mine... he dressed up and he did so much to help get ready...

And coming up is our Christmas dinner... this year because of all of the family drama we have decided to open our home and have people over who don't have other places to go... a sort of 'misfits Christmas' if you will... I am actually quite excited about it - two friends from work are coming who don't have any family around and then there is a couple from church whose families are all not here - and then there is another girl from our church family... maybe misfits is not the right word... but its from a Christmas movie... and in the end - they all belong!

pillow talk...

I thought that today I would share a little of my recent struggles with you... I hadn't really realized how much I was feeling this way until last night when Matt and I were laying in bed last night... we were just talking and praying together... and I was for once being a little vulnerable...
I have been feeling quite isolated lately... it seems that I am working so much and so I have to miss church or prayer or anything... and with all of my family drama going on... and lack of outside friendship - I just have been feeling alone.
I sometimes feel like I don't have things in common with anyone... I mean, I can share in the joys and journeys of God with people... but I have no gift to share with anyone - who really wants to hear about the sick people I take care of? I can listen... but how else can I bless people and share in their lives? It makes me feel a little emotional... smiles - but I guess that is a good thing... better than bottling it all up...
It makes me wonder how many other people out there feel disconnected or alone sometimes... I mean I always have God - he never leaves me nor forsakes me... he's been my constant always. I have Matt and by no means do I mean to say that he isn't the greatest friend of all time - cuz he is my best friend...
So yeah... just feelin a little down - maybe too much work-too many night shifts... In the efforts of not sounding too blah and depressed, I feel much better after praying and talking with my husband last night... those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength... sigh... peace...

tree hunt!

So in the spirit of the holiday season I thought that I would update you all as to my plans... yes... I am alive - and WELL!!! Matt, Heather and I are going to find our Christmas Tree today!!!

It has been a VERY long time since I have updated this blog of mine... and it certainly needs a facelift (which I will have to enlist the help of my dear friends)... I have decided that I enjoy reading your blogs so much that it is only fair that I update mine for you... not that I can add very much excitement :P BUT I think that updating here would help you all to know me better.. and me to know you too!

So the question I leave you with for now... what kind of tree are you putting up this year?